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roddy-bg My name is Radostina Georgieva, "Roddy".
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"William the Worde writes a newsletter for various nobles around the Discworld and decides to move into business with dwarfs, using movable type. Having moved into mass (well, a couple of hundred) production, he begins to rake in the money. The first daily Discworld newspaper is born - and the Guild of Engravers is not happy. Meanwhile more sinister plans are afoot - someone is plotting to replace Vetinari as Patrician, and Mr Pin and Mr Tulip have been called in to do the job. Before long Commander Vimes of the Watch has two problems on his hands: the chaos caused by newsprint resulting in Guild rivalries, and an attempted murder committed by Vetinari."
"Terry Pratchet" by Andrew M Butler

Targets
Newspapers and printing.

The rumor spread through the city like wildfire (which had quite often spread through Ankh-Morpork since its citizens had learned the words "fire insurance").

***

The world is made up of four elements: Earth, Air, Fire, and Water. This is a fact well known even to Corporal Nobbs. It's also wrong. There's a fifth element, and generally it's called Surprise.

***

...the dwarfs found out how to turn lead into gold by doing it the hard way. The difference between that and the easy way is that the hard way works.

***

Ankh-Morpork people considered that spelling was a sort of optional extra. They believed in it in the same way they believed in punctuation; it didn't matter where you put it, so long as it was there.

***

Ridcully: "You know I've always wanted a paperless office--" Bursar: "Yes, Archchancellor, that's why you hide it all in cupboards and throw it out of the window at night."

***

There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass! Who's been pinching my beer?

***

He was all in favor of the countryside, provided that it was on the other side of a window.

***

There were no flies on C.M.O.T. Dibbler. He would have charged them rent.

***

"Look out of the window. Tell me what you see."
"Fog."
Vetinari sighed. Sometimes the weather had no sense of narrative convenience.

***

William stepped forward at a healthy fraction of the speed of terror.

***

William: "Hey, you can't sell it that cheap."
Goodmountain: "Why not?"
William: "Why? Because ... because ... because, well, anyone will be able to read it, that's why!"
Goodmountain: "Good, 'cos that means anyone'll be able to pay twenty pence. There's lots more poor folk than rich folk and it's easier to get money out of 'em."

***

If his body was a temple, it was one of those strange ones where people did odd things to animals in the basement, and if he watched what he ate, it was only to see it wriggle.

***

Lord Vetinari by habit rose so early that bedtime was merely an excuse to change his clothes.

***

William: "Mr. Goodmountain, can you think of any reason I should put this in the paper?"
Goodmountain: "There's seventy-three reasons. That's 'cos there's seventy-three names."

***

"Der Patrician will see you now," said the troll.
"I didn't have an appointment with Lord Vetinari!"
"Ah, well," said the troll, "you'd be amazed at how many people has appointments wid der Patrician an' dey don't know it."

***

"Finest pork."
"Good, are they?"
"You'll never want to eat another, sir."

***

Dibbler: "Let me tell you about these sausages. When someone chopped off his thumb in the abattoir, they don't even stop the grinder. You prob'ly won't find any rat in them 'cos rats don't go near the place. There's animals in there that ... well, you know how they say life began in some kind of big soup? Same with these sausages. If you want a bad sausage, you won't get better than these." Mr. Pin: "You keep them for your special customers, do you?" Dibbler: "To me, sir, every customer is special."

***

William: "That's Sergeant Detrius on the gate."
Otto: "Ah. A troll. Very stupid."
William: "But hard to fool. I'm afraid I'll have to try the truth."
Otto: "Vy vill that vork?"
William: "He's a policeman. The truth usually confuses them. They don't often hear it."

***

William's class understood that justice was like coal or potatoes. You ordered it when you needed it.

***

Carrot: "They are the facts, sir."
Vimes: "But they're not the right facts! They're stupid facts!"
Carrot: "I know, sir. I can't imagine His Lordship trying to kill anyone."
Vimes: "Are you mad? I can't imagine him saying sorry!"

***

Truth was what he told. Honesty was sometimes not the same thing.

***

"Smile, please..."
"I am smilin'."
"Stop smiling, please."

***

Lord Vetinari was supposed to have tried to kill someone, and that didn't make sense, if only because the person he had tried to kill was apparently still alive.

***

"Lord Vetinari feels that since there'll always be some crime in the city, it might as well be organized."

***

Otto: "Keep avay from me! And do not breathe like zat!"
Sacharissa: "Like what?"
Otto: "Zer bosoms going in and out and up and down like zat! I am a vampire! A fainting young lady, please understand, zer panting, zer heaving of bosoms ... it calls somezing terrible from within ... But I vill be stronk!"

***

Most dwarfs were still referred to as "he" as well, even when they are getting married. It was generally assumed that somewhere under all that chain mail one of them was female and that both of them knew which one this was. But the whole subject of sex was one that traditionally minded dwarfs did not discuss, possibly out of modesty, possibly because it didn't interest them very much, and certainly because they took the view that what two dwarfs decided to do together was entirely their own business.

***

Fire was always the terror in those parts of the city where wood and thatch predominated. That was why everyone had been so dead against any form of fire brigade, reasoning -- with impeccable Ankh-Morpork logic -- that any bunch of men who were paid to put out fires would naturally see to it that there was a plentiful supply of fires to put out.

***

"All zat possibly happens is that a subject's own morphic signature aligns zer resons, or thing-particles, in phase-space according to zer Temporal Relevance Theory, creating zer effect of multiple directionless vindows vhich intersect vith the illusion of zer Present and create metaphoric images according to zer dictates of quasi-historical extrapoliation. You see? Nothing mysterious about it at all!"

***

"We're not stupid. We only look stupid."

***

"You can tell as many lies as you want if it's advertising. That's allowed."

***

Dibbler: "So ... what would I be selling, exactly?"
Sacharissa: "Space."
Dibbler: "Just space? Nothing? Oh, I can do that. I can sell nothing like anything! It's only when I try to sell something that everything goes wrong."

***

[Mr. Tulip] admired the way Mr. Pin wasn't frightened of difficult things, like long sentences.

***

Without things, people were just bright animals.

***

"Are you ---ing Death?"
JUST DEATH WILL SUFFICE, I THINK.

***

William: "Did I say 'thank you?'"
Otto: "No, you did not."
William: "Oh dear."
Otto: "No, you noticed that you didn't, so zat is okay."

***

"Come on, Mister de Worde. We're on the same side here!"
"No. We're just on two different sides that happen to be side by side."

***

...nothing has to be true forever. Just for long enough, to tell you the truth.

***